Joining David

 

In an attempt to investigate why he might be doing this, and as a sign that I was okay with it, I did the ritual along with him. I imitated him exactly, licking and blowing my own finger tips. And it was from this experience that I gained some insights which ultimately led to a medical intervention and a dramatic life-changing decrease of his repetitious routine. In fact, the intervention led to him beginning to speak for the first time at age 9!

 

I detailed the full experience in my book Challenging the Myths of Autism. And if you’re interested to read some of it, I’ve posted an excerpt at ThriveGuide.co called David’s Story.   

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It’s Not Okay

 

Unfortunately, most autistic children don’t experience therapists who accept their unique behaviors. The majority of autism therapists have been taught in colleges and training programs to view repetitious behaviors as dysfunctional stims that get in the way of learning. And as such, they believe these routinized behaviors should be stopped or redirected. 

 

Back in the 1960’s and 70’s researchers and therapists would punish autistic children by spraying water in their faces or threatening slaps each time the child attempted to do a repetitive behavior deemed dysfunctional.

 

Thankfully, the autism field at large and the applied behavior analysis approach in particular has advanced and evolved. Threats of slaps and aversive spray are no longer practiced. And it’s my genuine hope that the field will continue to evolve and mature further to a point of even greater acceptance of autistic behavior. 

 

I wish that my book would be required reading for all autism therapists in training so that they would start their careers without the stereotypical limiting beliefs that most are fed in colleges about autistic people.   

 

But it’s important to make a point here – there is a whole category of repetitious ritualized behaviors that are self-injurious. Some autistic individuals hit their own head and quite hard. I watched one little 3-year old push his hand deep into his mouth to the back of his throat until he gurgitated. He made himself vomit over and over. 

 

These self-harming behaviors obviously need to be controlled for safety and health. 

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Accepting Difference

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But with this exception of self-harm in mind, in all of my teaching through the Integrative Multi-Treatment approach and in all of the ThriveGuide recommendations, I encourage therapists and parents to view repetitious behaviors with an attitude of acceptance, and to try joining by imitating as a demonstration of interest and investigation. 

I wrote deeply on this important aspect of autism in Challenging the Myths of Autism. And starting on page 81 in the “What You Can Do” section, I explain specific strategies that are supported by science and that, although not widely adopted in the field, are very powerful.

Today, I thought I would share 3 of these with you here. Hopefully, you can try one or more of them as your AIM for the week. So here goes: 

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 #1 Change your thinking from “maladaptive- purposeless” to “adaptive- purposeful”. 

This shift in thinking helps you stay open and curious, and to observe and discover possible clues as to what is going on and how to best help your child. Ask yourself, “How might my child or student’s repetitious behavior be adaptive? What purpose might it serve them?”  From this perspective, you shift from trying to control them to trying to understand them. 

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 #2 Consider Biological and Sensory Causes.  

Repetitious behaviors can often be triggered by underlying sensory needs, which may be intensified at times due to physiological issues in the body and the environment. From 25+ years of working with hundreds of children across the autism spectrum, I have learned to never stop looking for underlying physiological triggers and causes of repetitive behaviors. There isn’t always one that I can find, but when there is, they can almost always be addressed to provide relief to the individual. Integrative Medical Doctors can be of help in the investigation and I provide a number of case studies in my book. 

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 #3 Try Joining First.  

Before redirecting or distracting your child away from their repetitive behavior, try to join in with them first. I used the word “first” here very specifically because Joining is not the only thing you can do to help, but it should be the first thing you try. 

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Even if you are going to offer your child an alternative, by Joining first, even just for one minute, you build rapport so that they will be more likely to be receptive to your next initiative. 

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But more importantly, by Joining through imitation, you might learn something new about them and the behavior they engage in. 

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One Good Reason to Try

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This week, aim your focus on being extra accepting of your child’s repetitive behaviors. 

Try Joining them… do the behavior respectfully alongside them. And see if you can learn something about why they might be engaged in that routine so often. 

From what hundreds of autistic children and adults have told us, there is always a reason. Yet no matter the reason, we can all agree that it always feels good to be accepted for who we are… Just as we are.