As a parent of an autistic child, your mind is constantly buzzing with thoughts on how you can BEST support your child in their unique journey.
It's been a while I've been thinking "how to help parents with autistic child?"
There are so many classes, podcasts and advices for parents with autistic child out there. But are they really useful for us? Do they really know our challenges?
Anyway, as a fellow parent of an autistic child, I am here to suggest my top 10 unforgettable tips for parenting a child with autism that can set you and your family up for success!
So let's dive in!
Top 10 Tips for Parents with Autistic Child
Parenting or step parenting an autistic child might be challenging and needs patience. But if we could have a help everything would be more easier.
I've talked to many parents of autistic kids and know their concerns. So keep reading of the following tips on how to help parents with autistic child.
Tip # 1 Safety First Leads to Stress Free
Children on the autism spectrum can be sponges for sensory input. They will search every nook and cranny to find that ONE broken toy piece or discarded piece of trash. So the key is to anticipate your child needing extra safety measures, and create an environment where you can place your child down and happily let them play and explore.
For a parent of an autistic child, investing in child safety gates, furniture tethers, high shelving, and other environmental safeties is a must.
A neurotypical child may be able to bypass these safety measures but these are essential for quality of life care of an autistic child.
Once you create the ideal space for your family, you will find yourself panicking less and having more stress free moments at home.
Always think “Is there a safer alternative?” Your child will be curious and it’s not always predictable how they may interact with the world compared to other children their age.
Something as common as stickers can become a hazard for autistic children. But the key is to catch potential dangers and think of alternatives that fit for your child rather than dismissing the entire experience.
In the case of the sticker example, the experience is receiving a reward in the form of a fun, small picture. You can create a similar experience by investing in flavoured stamps!
Your child will be happier and safer with you providing a space that is safe for them to explore with confidence.
Tip #2 Easy Wins After a Long Day
After a long day, it always feels like the needle that broke the camel’s back when a meltdown takes over the household and makes you question your methods of parenting. It can be an emotional punch in the gut and guilty thoughts like “are we happy?” can sneak in.
These days are going to happen and that’s okay! What you need to combat this sense of insecurity are easy wins! These small victories remind the whole family that everything is okay after the tears are gone.
My easy wins are outside bubble time, spontaneous dance parties, shadow puppets, and sing-along karaoke, just to name a few! The things my easy wins have in common:
they have virtually no clean up
they can be done almost anywhere
they are guaranteed methods of seeing my family smile.
Whether it’s keeping a bottle of bubbles ready to go outside or creating a playlist on YouTube, setting your child up with an easy win to recover after a hard day is a must have encouragement for parents with autistic children. Meltdowns are not just hard on them, but on you too, and you deserve to see your child’s beautiful smile and soak up the joyous memory.
Tip # 3 Experiencing your Autistic Child’s Sensory Perspective
Sometimes the communication barrier will feel like a barrier; you would fix the problem if you knew what it was! That’s when you take a deep breath and enter “Sensory Perspective” mode.
The key is to take a moment to think of the problem at hand through your autistic child’s eyes and with their uniquely super powered senses.
Autistic children are more likely to notice and be distressed by sensory input, so by purposely noting every possible sensory interaction they are experiencing, it may help with discovering previously unnoticed issues.
Whether it’s the brightness of lights, possible pitches of sounds, or even uncomfortable textures, seeing the world that your child interacts with daily may reveal possible explanations and solutions.
After cleaning thrown strawberries for the hundredth time, I realised it was ALWAYS fresh fruits and vegetables being thrown on the floor.
The next step was trying different techniques until finding the one that was the perfect fit for him, which ended up being blended fruits and veggies in a pouch.
What may be ignorable to you may be a siren of alarms to autistic children’s ears so studying your surroundings and experimenting with sounds and lighting is always a recommendation from me.
Tip # 4 Embrace Your Autistic Child’s Differences
Comparing your autistic child’s life to a typical child’s milestones can feel discouraging. This goes beyond saying “every child goes at their own pace” and means truly embracing the spirit of “in their own time”.
Instead, find joy where your child is at in their personal journey. When my son said “mama” to me for the first time, I cried and kept on crying the first week. My joy was not tainted by his age. His accomplishments are beautiful regardless of what other children his age are accomplishing.
If your autistic child is lining up toys, purposely buy them toys to organise and weave it into daily lessons and play. For example, encourage a rainbow of lines of ABC’s, shapes, numbers in your living room.
My life has been taken over by animals and I am loving it. Their excitement to see animals on the table is contagious. No one knows you and your autistic child’s victories like you do.
Even if to someone else it doesn’t seem like a victory, celebrate anyways! Shame are shackles to be discarded and forgotten during your families’ journey. You know their daily victories and efforts. Embracing “different” is celebrating your child for who they are now.
Tip # 5 Schedules and Routines are a Road to Success
Science has proven time and again routines and schedules help autistic children.
To them, their wants and needs aren’t being heard. Everyday is being bombarded with sensory input while being confused on what will happen. It’s stressful to even imagine!
By giving your family a routine and schedule, your child can begin to predict their day and gain confidence in you and themselves.
Even if they hate the current task, your child will gain assurance that all tasks will end and begin to gain expectations for each routined task.
But the major mistake many parents of autistic children make is feeling they fail if:
They break from their routine or schedule
Every subject and skill needs to worked on daily
Your child is doing something wrong if they skip an activity
It’s important to give you and your child breaks to look forward to and to depend on because knowing when to rest is important too. Sometimes your child might skip an activity and that’s okay.
Schedules and routines can be intimidating to start, but it can be as simple as timing your meals and restroom breaks.
You can always add to routines, but starting them and weaving it into your family’s daily lives is essential.
Tip # 6 The Difference is Presentation
When you are parenting an autistic child, you will quickly discover the daily tug of war to get your child to do daily tasks.
From putting on clothes to brushing their teeth, life becomes a chaotic dance of catch and release. But your child’s daily necessities don’t need to be a source of stress for you or for them.
My advice for parents of autistic children is to change the presentation of the situation. Sometimes, that alone can improve the mood and have you and your child feel geared up for the day.
From using cookie cutters for your sandwiches to doing the hokey pokey to get dressed, making the task as fun and colourful as possible can dry up many tears.
Preplanning how you can present the daily task in a different light is the key to blending it into your routines.
It may seem like more work upfront to do a song and dance for every task, but through repetition, you will find them getting into the groove and depending on your presentation less over time.
Tip # 7 It’s the Way You Say It
Children on the autism spectrum benefit from direct language. But adapting your language goes beyond not using metaphors. It is altering your language to meet your child’s needs.
A common concern I hear is their child not coming when their name is called. But to an autistic child, you didn’t ask them to come. You just said their name! Adding a command, such as asking for a hug, makes sense! You are asking for them to do something. Considering how your words sound to them can help with miscommunication.
Another way to avoid misunderstandings is declaring actions to help with comprehension. For example, in the bath, they may be scared when being rinsed and are sensitive to the sudden sensation. Calling out “three, two, one, water on body part” will prepare them.
Additionally, you can use pictures or sign language when speaking. Visuals make it easier for your child to understand you.
Imagine hearing someone talking to you at a concert, there are many distractions. It would be easier to read a sign than it would to hold a conversation. Your child is autistic and receives more environmental information than the typical person. It’s important to consider this when communicating with them.
By being flexible to adapting your language for your child, you are giving them the best chance to communicate with you in the way they are able to.
Tip # 8: Don’t Feel Guilt in Meeting Your Autistic Child’s Needs
The pressure of parenting can feel competitive. The constant need to meet the set standard of being a great parent like your little one deserves.
But parenting an autistic child is different from parenting a typical child and accepting that reveals possible solutions you previously dismissed.
You may not realise it, but you may be giving yourself extra work in an attempt to fit stereotypical standards.
You may feel guilt sitting in your chest at the thought of relying on a tablet or inconveniencing people around you.
But don’t let other people’s judgement keep you from doing what is best for your child. You are the one who knows what is best for them and know the best way to keep them stress free in stressful situations.
I used to feel guilt when I would read books out loud in waiting rooms. But, I know my child will be miserable to be in a strange place and staying in one spot.
As your child’s advocate, sometimes you will have to be inconvenient. I’m here to tell you it’s okay if you step out of a family gathering early to avoid a meltdown. It is okay if a task that normally takes 20 minutes takes you an hour with much needed sensory breaks.
It is okay because at the end of the day:
The task will get done
No one was hurt
Your child deserves to feel happy
Tip # 9 Friends through Planned Parallel Play
Social interactions for your child may pose challenges your average parent doesn’t have to think about. Guiding your autistic child to take turns on a slide can be a nerve wracking endeavor.
But I’m here to tell you, this doesn’t mean to avoid play dates. It just means your child may have different looking playdates.
Parallel play, or playing beside a fellow peer instead of directly playing together, is still social interaction but allows each child space. Planning designated activities is setting up your child for success when it comes to friendship.
By giving your child a familiar activity and space, it sets the rules and expectations for the event. You are able to practice beforehand together and help guide your child to success.
While it feels natural for us, for your child, every interaction is a mental puzzle and it’s easier if they have seen the puzzle before. Through repetition and practice, they will gain social cue experience gradually and without the heartache of going through spontaneous activities.
Predictability is your friend when it comes to giving your autistic child easy wins.
Tip # 10 Journaling and Finding Trustworthy Support
You may be given the advice of journaling quite often, but it’s for a good reason. By writing down your child’s struggles, you will be able to describe your specific situation to others.
Even though every autistic child comes with their own set of unique strengths and challenges, you are not alone. You have a whole community filled with different perspectives and experiences. The key to tapping into this golden city of community knowledge and support is to keep it track of your child’s daily habits. Journaling is the key to you finding the right solution.
Once you have a clear idea of your child’s habits, it’s as simple as knowing trustworthy resources to turn to. One such platform that every parent to an autistic child should write down is The ThriveGuide.
ThriveGuide is a digital platform that allows parents who are raising an autistic child to get an individualized plan of action. Basically, parents fill out an extensive Child Profile Intake, and then their program develops a unique profile to the behavioral and educational goals and strategies that best fit for your child.
The ThriveGuide aims to help with early interventions and help guide how to best aim for key developmental milestones which will help prime autistic children to school and beyond.
The ThriveGuide does what every good resource needs to, it leads you to the answers you’ve been looking for and cuts out the confusion of where to start.
Documenting your autistic child’s strengths, weaknesses, and struggles will help you get the support you need from experts.
The tools are out there to guide you on your journey, and giving yourself a road map of where you and your child has been, you will reveal a clear path forward for you and your family.