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New to AIM? Get your weekly AIM Free!
New to AIM? Get your weekly AIM Free!
New to AIM? Get your weekly AIM email FREE!
By entering your email, you agree to receive emails from ThriveGuide
Your AIM: Lead from Behind!
Listen or Read the AIM Deep Dive.
“Leading from behind” is a term Barack Obama borrowed from Nelson Mandela.
Nelson Mandela, was one of South Africa’s most famous anti-apartheid activists who ultimately served as its first President and was awarded the Nobel Peace Prize. In his 1994 autobiography titled Long Walk to Freedom, Mandela used the analogy:
“a leader is like a shepherd. He stays behind the flock, letting the most nimble go out ahead, whereupon the others follow, not realizing that all along they are being directed from behind.”
The Harvard Business School Report promotes this style of leadership too!
In the field of autism treatment, we could categorize all treatments into one of two groups: Leaders and Followers. Some treatment methods advocate the importance of “following the child’s lead” while other treatment methods advocate the importance of “gaining compliance, in which adults lead the child through direct instruction”.
Your AIM: Break the Habit!
On the go? Listen instead of read!
We are all creatures of habit. We just are.
You have a morning routine at your bathroom sink. Do you drink a glass of water first or brush your teeth first? Maybe you splash your face with water, or maybe the very first thing you do is turn on your radio to listen while you start the bathroom routine.
Your child is no different.
And, as you know, people with autism tend to stick to their habits and routines even more fiercely.
Habits are efficient. They help us to get through the day quickly and also to multi-task, because we don’t need much brain power to do familiar routines.
At ThriveGuide, we believe both of these diametrically opposed approaches have value...It just depends on which child at what stage. Every child has unique needs, so my autism therapist team specializes in knowing which approach to use and when.
As a parent, just to get through the morning routine or get the bedtime routine done before it gets too late, it is often faster for you to step in to do certain parts of a routine for your child. For example, it’s faster for you to get your child’s pyjamas out of the drawer or shelf, for them to put on.
But as long as you do these things for them, they won’t learn for themselves.
For your autistic child to build skills, to get faster, to be more independent, they need opportunity to practice daily routines over and over.
They need for you to step back, to lead from behind, to let them initiate and to experience leading their own routines a bit more.
Yes, it will take them more time to get through the new step that you’ve letting them do on their own than if you just did it for them. So make sure to anticipate needing an extra 5-10 minutes. Build in this learning and practice time right into your schedule, so that you can give them time and so that you can be comfortably patient. But this is a small price of patience that you’re gonna pay in order to let them get more confident at taking initiative. In the longer term this will save you time when your child is much more independent and can get through daily routines like dressing, toileting, meals, and chores without you having to supervise.
This week, pay attention to your own tendencies:
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Do you more easily slip into following or into leading?
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Are you more comfortable with one or the other?
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What are your beliefs about leading versus following?
And hold back a little bit from giving so many prompts and reminders. Create space and time for your child to try on their own, to make a mistake, and even to struggle just a little bit. It’s in these moments of trying, making mistakes, and readjusting to try again that learning accelerates!
Have a fantastic week!
Jonathan Alderson
Autism Expert
Founder, ThriveGuide
Author, Challenging the Myths of Autism
Share this week's AIM
Know what to do and when.
Actionable goals to best support your unique child, each prioritized so you know what do to first.
Maximize your resources.
Less than the cost of a single therapy session.
Start right away. No waitlists.
Practical strategies you can do at home.
Know what to do and when.
Actionable goals to best support your unique child, each prioritized so you know what do to first.
Maximize your resources.
Less than the cost of a single therapy session.
Start right away. No waitlists.
Practical strategies you can do at home.