For regular A.I.M. listeners, you might remember an episode about a young autistic boy who had zero physical fitness, and, by asking my therapist team to think new positive thoughts about this boy’s fitness ability, by improving our attitudes and beliefs, we coached him over two years until he successfully completed a 5 kilometer road race.

Well, it turns out that one important variable in this success story was the visualization the therapist team held in their mind. Each one was able to imagine our autistic student running… Running with strength and with speed. We imagined him smiling, and crossing the finish line.

Gold medal-winning Olympic athletes use visualization too. In fact many pro-sports teams hire sports psychologists to train the pro hockey, baseball, football and basketball players how to think better. They teach them how to think like a champion.

Not long ago, a young father of a 4-year-old autistic boy called me to discuss his son’s behavior challenges which included not wanting to wear clothes, having an extremely limited diet, and frequent tantrums. But the thing this father felt most sad about was that his son couldn’t talk. He often couldn’t sleep, laying awake thinking “What will happen to my son later in life if he can’t speak?” He played out the worst scenarios in his thoughts over and over.

Before our consultation, the father had sent me a short video clip of his son at the kitchen counter. And there, as clear as can be, I heard his son make several different sounds. And, more importantly, the sounds were closely imitating several words that his grandmother in the video had said. In other words, he was trying to imitate speaking!

That day, during the consultation, I explained to the father what I had heard on the video. And I added a short list of the pre-requisites for speech, each one of which his son fulfilled. At no point did I promise him that his son would speak verbally. And I reassured him that many autistic individuals who are non-speaking are able to use alternate modes of communicating.

But, no matter the future, I suggested that changing the belief he repeated often - that his son can’t talk - to a more positive and hopeful belief, that his son has all of the pre-requisite skills to talk, would make a positive difference.

It turns out that researchers agree! One meta analysis that looked at six scientific studies in which professional NBA basketball players visualized jumping higher as part of their regular daily and weekly training resulted in better improvement in their vertical jump performance. They literally could jump higher.

But how does positive thinking and visualization work for parenting? Well, In 2018, Dr. Holmes of the Center for Autism Research at Children’s Hospital of Philadelphia published research showing that parents who have higher expectations of independence for their autistic child, tend to ask their kids to do more chores… which in turn gives the child more opportunity to learn independence.

The positive thinking – believing in a more optimistic future - believing in the possibility for your child to learn - actually leads to you taking more actions towards your dreams.

In other words, if you let yourself dream more about a more positive future, science suggests that you will start to take more actions toward achieving the future goals. And without the optimism or positive visualization, you are less likely to take the actions necessary for success.

Near the end of the parent coaching session with the young father, I asked him if he would like to try an experiment. With his permission and willing participation, he repeated after me: “My son can communicate. My son is trying to talk. I can hear the vocal sounds my son is saying to me”.

As he said these positive affirmations, he began to smile but also to tear up. I paused and asked gently what he was feeling. “Happy”, he said, “I feel for the first time like there’s hope!”

We talked a bit more about how this change in his thinking and his new feeling of hope would change how he parents. And he agreed to do some daily homework of repeating the positive affirmations. He was almost eager to end the consultation so he could get back to time with his son to hear more of the sounds he was now excited to hear his son make!

It would sound almost too perfect an ending if I told you that within days, the family were sending me whatsapp messages almost daily with new sounds and clear words their autistic son was saying… or was it that they were just hearing better? Hearing with the new belief and new thoughts that the sounds were meaningful…

But it’s true, this really did happen.

In my mind, it was yet another example, one of hundreds I have witnessed up close over many years in hundreds of families of the positive power of positive thinking and visualization.

Mr. Henry Ford, the founder of the Ford Motor Company back in 1903, held optimistic beliefs about his automobile inventions despite all of the people around him telling him he was foolish and wasting his time. He is famously quoted as saying, “Whether you think you can or think you can’t, you’re probably right.”

Your attitude is a powerful tool that can foster more positivity and rapport between you and your child. How you think shapes how you see them, and this in turn influences how you behave towards them!

This week, I invite you to A.I.M. your thoughts in a positive direction. Use your thoughts like a pro-parent to repeat positive affirmations and to visualize new goals and their success.

Let yourself daydream more this week, in a positive way. Take just a few minutes after this ends to close your eyes and imagine your autistic child doing a new skill, being more independent, or taking a next small but important step forward.

Give yourself permission to feel optimistic. Now feel the smile on your face. And with this, I’ll leave you with a little rhyme:

Your mind is like a garden, your thoughts are the seeds.

You can grow flowers or you can grow weeds.