A question around the kitchen table

I was sitting with a child’s mother and therapy team, talking about what he could and couldn’t do. I proposed a goal: running a five-kilometre race, about three miles.

The faces around the table went blank. He didn’t run. Even climbing the stairs to his bedroom left him out of breath.

His mother said, “But he doesn’t run at all.”

“Yet,” I replied. “He doesn’t run at all… yet.”

Then she asked the question that moved the conversation forward: “But how would we even get him to start running?”

We had a place to begin.

The work behind that little word

The team started with very small steps, finding ways to include more movement in his activities. His mother began reporting more physical activity on weekends, too.

Two years later, after hundreds of hours of training, I crossed a local five-kilometre finish line with him and another member of our team. I still remember his smile: “I did it. I finished. I did it!”

There was a lot of work between that first conversation and the finish line. “Yet” helped us ask a different question. The time, practice, and support mattered.

Leave room for possibility and listen to your child

A five-kilometre race won’t be the right goal for every child. Your family’s next step may look very different, and it doesn’t have to be a big achievement to matter.

Carol Dweck’s work on growth mindset explores how our beliefs about learning can influence the way we approach a challenge. I find “yet” a useful reminder to stay curious. It can’t tell us what a particular child will achieve, or when.

And we need to be thoughtful about where we use it. If a sound distresses your child, that is important information. If they don’t enjoy an activity, listen. We can stay open to learning while respecting what they’re telling us now.

Sometimes the most useful “yet” is about what we, the adults, haven’t figured out.

Try this with one sentence

Think of one situation that has felt stuck lately. It might be a difficult morning routine or an activity your child wants to join. Instead of “Nothing works,” try:

“We haven’t found what helps yet.”

Now ask yourself: “What is one small thing we could change?”

Perhaps it’s allowing more time, making the setting quieter, or asking your child what would help in a way they can respond to. Choose something that fits your child and your family.

Notice what happens. Does the change help? Does your child seem more comfortable? What do you learn from their response? You can adjust the plan as you go.

Something to carry into your week

You don’t have to feel positive every day to support your child well. And you don’t have to know the whole path before you consider a next step.

This week, try “yet” once. See whether it helps you ask a useful question. Keep listening to your child as you look for the answer.

Know a parent who might find this helpful? Share this AIM with them.