Big Hairy Goals

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Over the last 20 years, collaborating with some remarkable educators and autism therapists, I’ve innovated a unique approach called “Integrated Multi-Treatment” and at Peter’s team meeting that day, I asked everyone to write down a Big Hairy Audacious Goal or a “BHAG”. I borrowed this name and idea from Built To Last by Jim Collins, a book about visionary companies I had recently read.

My aim in the meeting was to give Peter’s team permission to dream big; to set goals that might seem out of reach and even unreasonable as a way to challenge our beliefs about what is and is not possible.

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As Jim Collins explains, “One of the most important steps you can take in building a visionary company is not an action, but a shift in perspective.” I wanted to inspire Peter’s therapists and his mother to have be visionary about Peter’s potential. And I knew we needed a perspective shift, not just a behavior plan.  

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That day, the BAHG I wrote down was for Peter to complete a 5 kilometer run, even though he had never run in his life and was out of shape.

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Great Expectations

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Psychologists have long-known that our beliefs and our expectations impact our behavior. If I believe I have a chance to get the job, I will make an effort to prepare for the interview, to put my best foot forward, and to show up at least somewhat confident. But if I don’t believe I can succeed, I am less likely to put in effort and may not even show up. Our attitude impacts our behavior.

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In 1968, a University of California researcher named Rosenthal told a group of teachers that specific students in their class had been tested to be exceptionally intelligence but were late bloomers. In reality, these students were no different than the rest of their class.

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Yet, as predicted, the students whose teacher was convinced they were more intelligent performed better. Rosenthal’s now famous research proved the well-established self-fulfilling phenomenon known as the Pygmalion effect--  that positive expectations lead to improved outcomes.

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My job is to maximize the learning potential of the autistic children I serve. My specialty is identifying the factors that help a child to be more receptive to change, to focus more easily, to feel motivated to try more, and to be as physiologically healthy as possible for growth and learning to happen comfortably and quickly. I call this “precision autism treatment.”

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And one factor that accelerates any child’s learning potential is the attitude of the adults around them. I leverage the Pygmalion Effect. I collaborate with parents, therapists, and teachers to all adopt beliefs that a child can learn and change. Most importantly my teams all believe in the brain’s ability to change. We allow ourselves to hold great expectations!   

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Acceptance Versus Change

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But not everyone agrees.

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One of my team members, a young educator who specialized in drama therapy, called me one afternoon urgently wanting to discuss a contradiction she believed she found in a recent training session she had had with me.

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In the training I emphasized that acceptance is a core attitude of my Integrative Multi-Treatment approach. We try our best to let go of any judgements we have about differences in others, to embrace the neurodiversity of our autistic students.

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We aim to feel as comfortable as possible with unique behavior of repetitious ritualized behavior like rocking back and forth, and to accept different ways of communicating and of thinking.

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The young drama therapist enthusiastically embraced this core attitude. She felt it aligned with the type of autism therapy she wanted to be a part of. But then, in the same training session, I spoke with equal emphasis about our goal to stimulate change in our students. We hold a core belief that change IS possible.

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“But isn’t that a contradiction?”, she questioned. “How can you claim to totally accept someone but at the same time want to change them?”

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This was a smart question. I appreciated she was taking time to reflect on our training sessions. And I thanked her for asking this challenging question because as a program director, I strive to foster authentic communication so we can give and receive feedback. I admit, I don’t always succeed, but it’s an important goal I aim for.     

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I’ll answer her question and dive into the seeming contradiction between acceptance and change in a separate episode, but for today, I’ll share the conclusion that she felt satisfied with: Acceptance is a state of mind and feeling in which you are comfortable and even happy with what currently is. But feeling accepting doesn’t mean you can’t want for more or different. In short, you don’t have to be unhappy in order to be motivated to change.

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And this is the clutch parenting mind frame I teach all of the families I work with. It is one of four fundamental principles. Put simply: “Acceptance first; Change Second.”

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The Brain That Heals Itself

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I recently re-read the New York Times Best Selling book The Brain That Heals Itself by Columbia University psychiatrist Dr. Norman Doidge because of his central theme that always motivates me to be persistent with my autistic students: The human brain can learn and grow and change. Even brains damaged by stroke or blunt trauma or concussion or birth defects can continue to grow and change.

There is now a massive amount of scientific research that proves the brain can learn throughout the lifespan. And one of the main fuels for brain growth is stimulation.

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If we have a goal, and if we are motivated to try, and if we are supported to keep trying over and over, then in most cases, our brain will organize neural connections – can even grow new dendrites to make new electrical pathways in our brain and body – so that we learn the skill we need to reach our goal.

The brain CAN change!

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And one of the only roadblocks in the way of change is the limiting beliefs that we might hold about what is and what is not possible.

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Dream Into Reality

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To be the most effective supporters for Peter to learn to run, I asked each of his therapy team members to believe in the Big Hairy Audacious Goal that Peter could run a 5 kilometer road race. I planted the seed of a self-fulfilling prophecy.

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And then we made a clear plan to do what one of my favourite quotes of all time describes so vividly. It refers to people who hold big goals as visionaries and goes on to say that “Visionaries dare to imagine what others say is impossible, but are possessed anyway with relentless persistence to make reality catch up with their dreams.”  

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That’s my favourite line – “relentless persistence to make reality catch up with their dreams.”

We cheered Peter as he walked a few steps on an indoor exercise treadmill. Then we patiently coached him to increase his walking speed down the driveway and back. Then we tied our running shoes along with him and sang his favorite children’s songs while we jogged to motivate him to run a few meters at a time along the sidewalk.

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And with relentless persistence, over a year after that goal-setting meeting, my emotions burst with tears of pride when Peter and I crossed the finish-line of a 5 kilometer community road race.

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We made reality catch up with our dreams!

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Your A.I.M.

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This week, I dare you to dream big. Become aware of any limiting beliefs that might be in your way of an audacious goal you could otherwise have for yourself or your child.

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Take 2 minutes to sit quietly, relax your body, and feel as much acceptance as you possibly can for your child’s special needs. Try to let go of any sadness or resentment or grief during a few deep breaths.

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Then open your eyes and quickly write down a BHAG - a Big Hairy Audacious Goal. Allow yourself to be a visionary!

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I don’t promise a dream or a goal will ever come true. But I know that the only way one ever can is by trying.